Friday, April 18, 2008

Critique: A bomb in the morning (free verse poem)

(The poet wishes to remain anonymous. He or she would like to know if this poem would be worthwhile revising. If so, how? The poet would also like to know if the reader can understand the meaning, which feels obvious to the poet.

I asked the poet if this post could also be posted under a discussion thread called What Makes Meaning? He/she has agreed.

For that general discussion, click here.)


A superfortress glides

the catwalk,

head high, torpedo chest--patent

black punctuates a bomb-

shell, a sleek silhouette.

A power walker well-heeled.

The stiletto elongates the leg,

raises the arch.

Hips thrust hereafter

sway like a pendulum.


It’s Barbie,

prize on a pedestal,

dolly style.

Bally style.

Versace, Prada, Chanel, Dior, Uggs, Gucci–

D-squared is not a formula.

Coach. No

she never does coach.



Early morning.

A-Bomb in the morning.


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