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(The poet, who wishes to remain anonymous, originally submitted this poem for critique, which appears in its own critique thread. He/she has graciously granted permission to Poets.net to repost it as a starting point for a discussion thread.
The poet believes that the meaning of the following poem should be "obvious," but is it? If not, should it matter?
When do confusing images and allusions blur the artistic qualities of a poem?
On the other hand, what if the meaning of a poem is too obvious? Does that, too, subtract from the artistic qualities?
In the end, what makes meaning?
This is a discussion thread. If you wish to critique this specific poem, click here)
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A superfortress glides
the catwalk,
head high, torpedo chest--patent
black punctuates a bomb-
shell, a sleek silhouette.
A power walker well-heeled.
The stiletto elongates the leg,
raises the arch.
Hips thrust hereafter
sway like a pendulum.
Flash!
It’s Barbie,
prize on a pedestal,
dolly style.
Bally style.
Versace, Prada, Chanel, Dior, Uggs, Gucci–
D-squared is not a formula.
Coach. No
she never does coach.
Connections.
Power.
Early morning.
A-Bomb in the morning.
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Critique:
ReplyDeleteYou start with a few interesting verbs--'punctuate', 'elongate' which are at least an effort to make the language dynamic. On the downside, the dreadful linebreaks aren't helping and the poem is rhythmically bereft.
You could do worse than to go away and learn how to write an actual sentence.
Tip: Stylistically fragmented drivel still equals drivel.
Best of luck with this one.